funny-resume-mistakes

Hilarious Real-Life Resume and Cover Letter Blunders

We’ve all experienced that gut wrenching feeling when you realize you’ve made a mistake on a document… right as you’re hitting the send button.

We know how important it is to write a sparkling resume, but there is always the possibility that there is an inadvertent error somewhere. One that you missed. Maybe a comma instead of a period or perhaps a different bullet point. But sometimes the errors are downright hilarious. Errors like some of these that will keep you laughing:

Resume Bloopers

  • “Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.”
  •  “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
  • “Work Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
  • “I am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.”
  • “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
  • “I’m intrested to here more about that. I’m working today in a furniture factory as a drawer.”
  • “Hobbies: enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians.”
  • “Skills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detail.”
  • “Experience: Stalking, shipping & receiving”
  • “I am great with the pubic.”
  • “My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.”
  •  “Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”
  • “Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”
  • “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
  • “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
  • “I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.”
  • “Reason for leaving: Terminated after saying, ‘It would be a blessing to be fired.”
  • “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.”
  • “Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
  • “Rabid typist.”
  • “Proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.”
  • “Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”
  • “Education: “Have repeated courses repeatedly.”
  • “Worked in a consulting office where I carried out my own accountant.”

Brutally honest cover letters

  • “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping.’ I have never quit a job.”
  •  “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
  • “I intentionally omitted my salary history. I’ve made money and lost money. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. I prefer being rich.”
  • “I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.”
  • “Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”
  • “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
  • “Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”
  • “I have integrity so I will not steal office supplies and take them home.

Even more brutally honest reasons for leaving

  • “Responsibility makes me nervous.”
  • “They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
  •  “Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
  • “The company made me a scapegoat – just like my three previous employers.”
  • “While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.”
  •  “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
  • “I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”
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2 Comments

  • C. Markus April 23, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    Thanks, I kneaded that. (Just kidding)
    It gave us a chuckle.

    C.M.

  • Geeta March 29, 2016 at 8:52 am

    good article, helped me a lot in avoiding blunders while building my CV and cover letter

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